She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
