Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
