im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
