the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
What changed your mind?
Being sober
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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