Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
