The maid of honor just puked.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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