So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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