i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
