Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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