She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
