I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
