Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize
