When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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