Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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