Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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