I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
