I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
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