Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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