The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Randomize
