Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
