you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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