I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
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