When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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