I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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