She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
