my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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