I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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