All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Randomize
