lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
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