why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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