i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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