so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Someone shattered a urinal.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize