Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
