She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I need moral support for this bender
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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