if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
