we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
