So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
