I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
