Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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