it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize