I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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