Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
