I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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