I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
