Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
