not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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