I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
