whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
