i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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