The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
