so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
