Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
