we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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