im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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