I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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