In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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