I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
