Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(512): View more from Texas

I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.

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(226): View more from Ontario

forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.

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(734): View more from Michigan

I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything

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(419): View more from Ohio

Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..

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(303): View more from Colorado

Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude

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(573): View more from Missouri

Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.

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(756): View more from

How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?

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