I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
