I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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