If i come over, it means nothing
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
