ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
