I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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