I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize