before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize