well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
