Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The air was thick with penises
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
