I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
