haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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