i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
