I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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