lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
