It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
