I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I met the friendliest cop last night
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
