I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
