i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
