I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
