Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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