i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
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