The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He had one of those small greek statue penises
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
