come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
