I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
